"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen"

It's been awhile
I'm super depressed-- stress+ applications I guess.

What triggers depression? I mean really? I am so freakin' sick of having this disease. I guess it's really frustrating at the moment because I've been doing so well and it just fell apart.

I saw the episode of Monk where he takes some meds and gets tripped out becoming "The Monk" and he talks about how great it is to feel normal. That really resonated with me. I'm tired of collapsing.

Terry Pratchett has a character that becomes a zombie and dwells on how that character has to manually operate his body-- nothing comes naturally anymore. That's how I feel in comparison to a person without depression-- someone I constantly think of as "normal".

I have to manually walk my mind through emotional lows... I won't just bounce up. I have a myriad of "tricks" at this point to get myself going when I'm in a rough patch. I hate this. I HATE IT.